Sweet, Elusive Sleep

As the parent of young children I am well acquainted with sleep deprivation.  In fact, there are times when a full  night's sleep takes on Arthurian proportions.  I ask people, "what do you mean you slept till 9am?" with the same inflection as, "what do you mean the sasquatch went through your trash?"  If you have young kids, you will not sleep; this is a fact of life, deal with it.

It took me a long time to come to terms with this.  And that struggle made me miserable.  Constantly fighting to get a nap from my even more exhausted wife, arguing over who got to sleep in.  It becomes far easier when you man up and realize that sleep is an elusive thing, and you will get reacquainted with it in ten or twelve years.  This does not, however, make the crying child at 2 am any easier to deal with.

On Dating

This is important ladies and gentlemen, so listen up.  When you have children, particularly young children, you need to have alone time with your spouse.  I do not mean the three minutes that you talk about your children while you lie in bed at night.  That time before your bodies collapse into unconsciousness from exhaustion doesn't count.  You need to go on a date! This is time for you and your partner to reconnect, to enjoy each other in a way that doesn’t involve a quick smile in the hallway as you pass each other, each of you chasing different kids. Go to dinner, go see a movie, go to a bookstore, something.  Even if you just walk around the mall, window shop, and eat homemade peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If you absolutely can't get out of the house for a night, switch things up at home.  Turn off the television and play a board game, or cards, put on some music and dance, anything.  Just change things up and connect with your spouse.

Mia and I don't generally enjoy the mall, she doesn’t like sitting in a darkened movie theater, and we have no money, so unless we have a gift card to a restaurant we tend to go to museums or browse bookstores or the library. This is crucial time for our relationship and I am not understating things when I say that it has saved our marriage.  We both know couples who have neglected their relationship with each other in favor of focusing on their kids, and it never ends well.  This is particularly difficult with parents of a disabled child.  Among parents of children with autism, for example, the divorce rate is 90%.  Nine-zero.  These parents spend so much time trying to improve the life and well-being of their child that they lose sight of why they fell in love in the first place.

 This is why it is so important to date your spouse.  Woo them.  Rekindle the passion and fire in your hearts.  Remember why you fell in love and cherish that feeling.  It is important to your marriage. 

Thank you.

Dear Parent of a Child with Autism:

I just want to give you a simple message: You are not, and never have been devastated by your child.  Let me be even more blunt.  The only way your child can "devastate" you is by dying. 

Your child was born with autism.  God created him or her just for you.  There is nothing this child can do that you cannot handle.  In addition to that, you are crafted for this child.  YOU, no one else, is most capable to assist this child with any difficulties or struggles he or she shall face. 

You will be overwhelmed, you may find yourself disappointed at times, you may even feel like you just can't do it anymore.  But you can.  And once you accept where you are, and where your child is, you will find joy, sheer joy, at your small triumphs. 

Other moms will say "My son potty trained at 18 months."  Oh, yeah, well my son potty trained at 5 years.  And it was a lot harder to potty train my son than it was to train yours.  My accomplishment is bigger.  So there. 

Other moms will say "My daughter goes on so many play dates, she's so popular."  My kid has at least 1 good friend.  It is his best friend and he knows that his best friend is sensitive.  And his best friend knows that he gets upset at the Happy Birthday song and therefore never lets anyone sing it at his birthday party.   That accomplishment is all him, and I'm so proud of him for it.

Welcome to Holland, Baby (Autism Poem: Welcome to Holland).  The weather is just fine and we are enjoying ourselves.

Love,

A Very Proud Mother of an incredible Child who just happens to have Autism

A New Year

So I know that its been awhile since we've posted, but five kids will do that to you.  Since then we've had a modest Christmas and quiet New Year.  This Christmas was, like all Christmases, a source of stress for my wife.  She is constantly worried that Santa didn't bring enough.  This year was particularly tough, but it happens every year; even when Santa has loads of cash.  That being said, the joy of my children on Christmas morning was incredible.  Their excitement at the few gifts they got was proof that materialism is learned behavior.  Greed needs to be taught, and while we don't always succeed, we do a pretty good job of keeping them innocent of it.  Besides, my children are blessed with over-generous grandparents who insist on spoiling them.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.