The Fourth Boy

My Liam is special.  He is not like other boys.  He is gentle, never had any hitting or violence issues.  He was a quiet and easy toddler.  Our second child was a girl.  Then our third was a boy, a typical boy.  I didn't realize what it meant to be a boy until I found my 2 boys poised in on their hands and knees across the room from each other.  They then crawled as fast as they could straight towards each other until their heads cracked.  Literally cracked, like male goats having a territorial dispute.  Then they collapsed into giggle fits.  Once they composed themselves, they backed up and did it again.

Two years later, we had our fourth child, another boy.  I find a lot of broken things now.  My most common phrase these days: "No! That is NOT a toy!"

The curtains are not for climbing.

The stairs are not for sliding down, even though you somehow got your sled in the house.

You cannot swing from the blanket you tied to your curtain rod, bunk bed, door knob, cabinet, etc, etc, etc.

Just because you managed to climb up onto something 10 feet in the air does NOT mean that it is a good place to jump off.

We have just had our fourth boy this week.  I've met one family with 4 boys.  The mom told me her biggest challenge was how filthy they were.  They smelled and they constantly burped and farted everywhere they went.  I know her boys.  They are good boys.  But boyness, when combined, exponentially increases with the addition of each new male.  This includes their father.

I know I'm ready.  God wouldn't have given me 4 boys if I couldn't handle it.  And He also gave me my girl.  My one princess that I can look at after I put out the flames and stop the blood (sometimes literally).  She and I can escape and go for tea or manicures or shopping. 

But please, pray for me.  By my estimates, it will hit the fan in approximately 1.5 years from now.  It may be helpful to include my daughter in your prayers.  Thanks

On the Birth of a Son

So folks, I thank you for your patience.  It has been some time since I have posted because Eamon Charles McDonald has arrived.  He was a healthy 9 lbs on the dot, born the day after Thanksgiving at around 1:30 in the afternoon.  My family has expanded yet again. 

   This puts my average at a baby every two years and really leaves me feeling old.  We had Liam two months before I turned 21, and here I am, a month before my thirty-first birthday with five kids.  One of the things this does is give me a totally different perspective on everything from my peers.  Most of the people I went to high school with are young professionals, only just getting married, maybe having their first child.  I, on the other hand, have spent the last decade caring for small children.  While my friends were going to frat parties and cleaning up their own puke, I was cleaning up someone else's puke. While they were travelling around the world, I was changing diapers.  Which is the better path?  I don't know.  Is it better to have kids young, or live an adventure and save kids until later?  I couldn't say.  I only know that I have chosen; and though I sometimes see a post on facebook from a friend or relative in Italy or Australia, China or South America and get a little jealous, I know that for me the choice was right.  My children are my great adventure, my greatest accomplishment.

  In the end my gift to the world may not be a cure for cancer or the discovery of some previously unkown civilization, it may not be best selling books or blockbuster movies.  My gift is a generation of well-adjusted, intelligent men and women, who may very well go on to do all those things and more.

Why I am Always Late. Part 2

Part 2

Now knowing that I don't give myself allowances for error for my large number of children, why am I always late for everything?  Two simple reasons: I was always late before I had children (meaning that deep down I truly do not place a lot of importance on being on time), and the other reason is crisis management skills. 

My husband and I took Psychology 101 when our oldest child was about a year-old.  It taught us more than any parenting book or class ever taught us.   I really can't tell you how much learning the basic principles of psychology helped us in raising our kids.  It also touched briefly on crisis management skills. 

The 4 phases in any Crisis Management are as follows

1. The diagnosis of the impending trouble or the danger signals.
2. Choosing appropriate Turnaround Strategy.
3. Implementation of the change process and its monitoring.
4. Kill the Ninjas attacking you.

Crisis management becomes increasingly challenging with increased amounts of children.  I call this the "Bladder Factor".  The more bladders involved, the more likely you will need a mop. 

"Ok, everybody go potty before we leave!"

"Why?"

"I don't have to go."

"I just went." (You know, 3 1/2 hours ago…)

Then, the inevitable, calls of:

"I missed."

"I didn't make it and my pants are wet."

"The toilet won't flush."

"Why is the floor all wet?"

This is why the big spray bottle of Simple Green sits out on the counter next to a roll of paper towels.  No, husband, these items will not be put away for at least another 10 years.  That is my bottle of turnaround strategy.

Or we often skip step 1.  As opposed to facing the bathroom, where doom is lurking, many situations spring directly to step 2.  There is just no warning for when someone will get sick, or fall.  That's why my R.S.V.P.s always include: barring illness and injury, we'll be there.  Crisis management is an ongoing learning process. I think once I'm ready to enter the workplace again, I will have to find something that includes crisis management or I'll just be bored.  No more cubicles for me.

My mother always wants to know why I don't place importance on being on time, or even (gasp) early?  Even if I'm late, I still made it.  Did I get to Mass? Yes, check.  Did we have fun and share love with the birthday person? Yes, check. 

Am I the latest?  I don't know, you would have to ask the people who were on time.  But I'm on time more often, and I've never lost a child or had a teacher think I forgot - I've gotten that call only once, but it was the bus driver's fault. 

"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." -Evelyn Waugh

Why I am always late. Part I

 I do acknowledge that I have more children than the average family.  That can be a challenge and does leave room for more error than average.  But I should clarify 2 points:

1. Having more children does not make someone a "better" parent than those with less children.

2. Having 4 children is not twice as hard as having 2 children.

On the first point: I have heard parents of 1 child referred to as "barely" mothers.  Mothers come in all shapes and sizes.  There are people with no children who are mothers to individuals and benefit those individuals in ways only a mother can.  The best example is Big Brother Big Sister Foundation.  If one has felt the pull at the heart that comes with the well-being of another, then parenthood has been experienced. 

I've also personally met parents of many children who have amazed me, and others who have frightened me.  We have read the tales of bad moms in the news, some have 1 child, some are octo-weirdoes.  But there are bad mothers right alongside us at the playgrounds right here in our own community.  (I'm talking to you, parents at Gates Lane Elementary, who do not put your kids in a car seat or even make them wear a seatbelt.  Your kids are hopping around the car like monkeys.  Even my own children are amazed at your bad parenting skills.  This is the 21st century, stupid injuries can be avoided).  Luckily, the good parents vastly outnumber the bad.  I think that this is due to human nature.  It is not relevant to the number of children they have. 

On to the second point: A respected friend, who is also a parent of 5 children, and an accountant, once simply stated that having more children follows the law of diminishing returns.  Once a family has already devoted its resources to rearing a child (investment in vast amounts of baby gear, for example), those same resources do not need to be repeated with each child.  Eventually, buying all new gear for each child becomes a detriment. 

If one is invested in a community, the process becomes even easier.  We are currently preparing for the birth of our 5th child.  We had to buy new pacifiers.  It cost about $10.  I am borrowing a car seat from my brother.  We have everything else.  I am already staying home with my 2 year-old, so there is no loss of income. 

I do acknowledge I have more experience than an average mother and can somehow answer many child-rearing questions I didn't even know I had stored in my memory.  I once received a call at around 11pm, asking how to tell if an umbilical stump on a newborn is infected.  I recalled with textbook perfection what the worried Dad had read online.  He said, "Really, it's ok if it smells bad?"  I knew with certainty that smelly umbilical stumps were ok.  And that's enough about smelly stumps (that's what she said).

Hello Hello!

Good Day!

After watching hours and hours (and hours...) of television, I have decided that I am a better father than even those tv dads that I like. So, you may ask, after coming to terms with my own overwhelming parental superiority, what is the next step? A blog! I will attempt to post on the issues that all parents struggle with, along with my wonderful wife Mia. We will be focusing mainly on the issues that face parents of younger children as that is where our experience lies.

What are my qualifications you ask? Well, the state has (thus far) let me keep all my kids, and not one of them have died on my watch. I have five amazing kids (that's right, I said five, suck it). I'll pause here for you to make offensive vasectomy jokes... done? Thanks. My kids' names and ages are as follows: Liam (10), Helena (6), Stephen (4), Fionn {pronounced Finn} (2), and Eamon(arrival TBD).

Anyway I'll leave it at that for now, I hope that all you wonderful readers can come here for advice and discourse on parenting. I will force my lovely wife to post fairly regularly as well so that the blog will be as well rounded as possible. Please feel free to email me with questions and comments at tugaim@gmail.com.

thanks folks! Enjoy!